Rainy Day Drugs

Feb
2014
20

posted by on Misc

Okay, I was supposed to be writing an article about statins (drugs that lower cholesterol). But I wrote this instead:

Rainy Day Drugs  #40 & ZD4522

(Everybody Must Get Statin-ed)

 

They statin you when you’re feeling mostly fine.

They statin you when your labs are out of line.

They statin you when your diet mostly sucks.

They statin you and then they say “good luck.”

 

Well I would not like to eat less fattenin’

Everybody must take a statin.

 

They statin you when you drink too much wine.

They statin you almost all the time.

They statin you when you eat lots of meat.

They statin you and then they say repeat.

 

Well I would not rather take cisplatin

Everybody must take a statin.

 

They statin you when you are young and strong.

They statin you when things start to go wrong.

They statin you whenever they are able.

They statin you at your own breakfast table.

 

Well I would not like to eat less fattenin’

Everybody must take a statin.

 

 

Winning NaNoWriMo

Nov
2013
07

posted by on Writing

 

November is here again—the month of Thanksgiving in the United States and National Novel Writing Month just about everywhere. In case you haven’t heard, NaNoWriMo is a glorious exercise in biting off a big project and running with it. If you choose to participate, you register on the website, nanowrimo.org, and begin a wild ride, attempting to write a 50,000-word draft of a novel in the thirty days of November. If you complete the task (it doesn’t have to be good, not even coherent, just 50,000 words—that’s 1667 a day) you win. That means you get a certificate acknowledging that you completed this enormous task.

There are plenty of things to like about NaNoWriMo, not the least of which is the joie de vivre with which participants dive into the project. But one of the things I like most is the part about winning. Winning NaNoWriMo is not a zero-sum game. No one has to lose for you to win. You are competing only with yourself, or rather with the goals you’ve set for yourself. Everyone (who wants to) jumps in and goes for it, aiming for the finish line and encouraging one another along the way.

I’ve never officially participated in NaNoWriMo, but I always get caught up in the excitement of it all. (Some people NaNo every year. Apparently I blog about NaNo. Well, it’s a start.) I usually set myself some kind of goal, or at least some kind of plan to have a go at something that I might not have attempted without the encouragement and excitement of all these people around me joyously pounding out their novels.

The timing of NaNo is particularly challenging. During November it is very hard for me to think about anything other than food. But having NaNo in November, with Halloween just past and Thanksgiving coming up, makes the whole event even more festive. It’s like a special holiday just for people who are crazy enough to write books.

So if you are taking part this year, I wish you the best of luck. I hope you win. I hope we all win!

 

posted by on Books, Libraries

It happened again today. I had to order a book from the library—a book that I own. I just can’t find it.

All libraries have some sort of system for organizing their books: the Dewey Decimal System, or the Library of Congress Classification, for example. I have my own system. It works like this: When I finish with a book, I put it on a shelf where it will fit easily. If I can’t find a spot, I just put it on its side on top of other books. Or, if I think I may need to refer to it again soon, I put it on the floor by the chair I was in when I was reading it, or on the top of the file cabinet by my desk, or in some other place where it will be handy (ha!) when I need it again. Simple, eh? And no decimal places to figure out. I’m just thankful my local library has most of the books I own but can’t seem to find.

Occasionally I decide to put a stop to this chaos and actually organize my books. It will be fun, I tell myself. And I’m right. It is fun. So much fun that I end up sitting on the floor somewhere in my house, surrounded by stacks of books (neatly organized, of course, by subject, author, and a few other mysterious categories I come up with on the spot), reading a bit in this one and a bit in that one, blissfully passing the day I had set aside to organize the books. I end up taking a stack of books back to my office, or I set them beside the bed or a favorite chair, because these books are certainly ones that I will want to read again soon. If I were really clever, I’d just go ahead and order them from the library now and save myself the trouble of looking for them later.

Be There

Apr
2013
02

posted by on Writing

 

Photojournalists have an old saying: “f/8 and be there.” I have a very limited knowledge of photography, but as I understand it, this means that if you want to get a good photo, you set your f-stop (the aperture setting on your camera lens) to f/8 to make sure that most of what you’re shooting is in focus. At that point, your task is to make sure you are in place to get the shot when something happens. You won’t get a good shot of the mayor flipping off the city council or the cute kid shaking the president’s hand if you are busy fiddling with your camera settings when the action goes down—or for that matter if you’ve wandered off in search of a better photo (or a cup of coffee).

Not being a photographer, I’m not sure how practical that advice is, but it makes a great metaphor. As a writer, if you want to get the good stuff, you have to be ready when it happens by. I’m sure you’ve noticed that all your good ideas seem to come while you are driving, in the shower, or doing something else you can’t stop in the middle of to write it all down (soapy water can wreck a notebook). Unfortunately there’s not much you can do about the soapy-water problem, and of course, no matter how great the idea, don’t try making notes while driving. (Next time you see someone muttering to himself in traffic, remember that he may not be insane; he may just be a writer trying to remember something until he gets to a safe place to pull over.) It is a great idea, though, to keep a notebook (or scratch paper) and pencil on or near you at all times: by the bed, in the kitchen (I get a lot of ideas while cooking—that could explain some burned garlic from time to time), in the car, in the seat pack of your bike, wherever you spend time.

Writers have the advantage of being able to go back and fuss with details—over and over, if necessary. Sometimes, though, ideas or images grace us with one visit, then real life (what goes in after the garlic) distracts us and we never think of that great line or simile again. Like photographers, we need to be alert and prepared for those moments that aren’t likely to happen twice.

Whom

Mar
2013
26

posted by on Language

I have on my desk a “Note to Self ” that reads: The word “whom” is starting to sound strange to me even when it is used correctly. I’m not sure why I left myself this note, but it has been there for weeks. Today a friend sent me a link to Alexandra Petri’s Washington Post blog post about changing attitudes toward the word “whom.” Language changes and that is a very good thing. But occasional resistance can be a good thing as well. Petri closes by suggesting a gentler way of expressing frustration with fellow speakers and writers who aren’t as fussy as we are:

 

“Compliment a stranger’s grammar today. It may be our only hope.”

 

It’s a nice essay. You can read the entire thing here.

 

 

Shelf Support

Mar
2013
04

posted by on Language

Someone recently asked me for a list of my favorite books on writing. I came up with a few and thought I’d share them here. This is a very idiosyncratic list—just a few I like and an attempt to tell you why I like them. These are not listed in any special order other than the order in which I pulled them off my shelf.

The Writer’s Portable Mentor: A Guide to Art, Craft, and the Writing Life Priscilla Long

I like this one for several reasons, but top of the list is that it addresses all types of writing: fiction, non-fiction, even poetry. All too often writing books give short shrift to non-fiction, but Long offers advice and useful exercises no matter what type of writing you are doing.

On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft Stephen King

This is a very popular writing book. I’m not much of a fan of memoirs (especially memoirs of writers, because writers’ lives are generally far less interesting than their work), and the writing advice in On Writing is pretty much the standard stuff. What makes me love this book is King’s voice. His love of his work and respect for the craft of writing come through strongly, and the result is both affirming and inspiring.

Garner’s Modern American Usage (MAU) Brain Garner

This is my current favorite usage manual for far more reasons than I have time to go into here, not the least of which is that it is just plain fun to read. I have an older edition, called A Dictionary of Modern American Usage. If you are a hard-core language geek, you’ll also enjoy David Foster Wallace’s review of the first edition of Garner’s guide. You can find the review in Wallace’s collection Consider The Lobster And Other Essays. The review is called “Authority and American Usage,” and is filled with Wallace’s deep and quirky insights, weird asides, and footnotes that have footnotes with still more footnotes.

Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation Lynne Truss

If you truly care about misplaced commas and their ilk, you’ll probably get a kick out of Truss’ over-the-top bashing of those who don’t bother to get punctuation right. The snarky language police attitude gets old quickly, but Truss really is funny and offers some good explanations of how to use punctuation correctly, even elegantly.

Saying What You Mean: A Commonsense Guide to American Usage Robert Claiborne

This is for my money the best cut-to-the chase usage book, perfect for people who want a simple, easy-to-understand usage guide that is also good-natured and fun to read. Claiborne takes his language as seriously as Truss, but is much more easy-going about it. He won’t make you feel like an idiot if you have trouble with when to use “who” and when to use “whom” and have to keep a chart by your desk with conjugations of “to lie” and “to lay.” He’ll just help you make the chart.

Working With Words: A Concise Handbook for Media Writers and Editors Brian S. Brooks and James L. Pinson

This one is very handy and useful for journalist and editors. It has plenty of guidance and examples on common issues that tend to crop up in the working life of getting words in to print (or onto screen).

Alphabet Juice Roy Blount, Jr.

I adore this book. If you are at all a word person you probably will, too. Blount begins the book by making a good case for why the connection between words and their meanings is not arbitrary (I so wish I had had this book when I was in graduate school). Then he meanders through the alphabet choosing interesting words and writing cool, funny, and sometimes wacky things about them. Alphabet Juice is sort of scholarly, sort of irreverent, often funny, and for the word lover, a pleasure so intense you almost feel you should slip the book under cover if anyone walks in while you are reading it.

 

 

Gifting Back

Feb
2013
17

posted by on Language

Language changes. I’m cool with that. I even enjoy it. But, like most people, I have my little quirks. Some usages just annoy me for no particular reason. One of those is using gift as a verb. We have a perfectly good verb for this: to give. Why do we need to gift? But just to show that I am a reasonable person, willing to get into the spirit of things, I’ve decided to take up this new usage with enthusiasm. Here are some of the ways I’ve found to use this handy verb:

Hey, dude, gift me the ketchup, will ya?

He was so fed up he gifted me a whack upside the head.

Oh, jeez. Gift me a break.

So now no one can call me a usage purist. If they do, I will gift them a piece of my mind.